Blogger's still down, but when it's back up, I'll move my entries to it.

"Birds Sound Gorgeous in the Morning"

I woke up at six today, and just decided that I might as well blog. I heard the birds chirping outside my window, and boy, was it ever pretty! I don't get to hear things like this very often, and again, I'm trying to focus on the little things to keep me sane.

I just checked my email, and much to my surprise (bitter sarcasm), all spam. However, Erica sent me a handful of really cute e-cards yesterday. I think she still feels really bad about this whole thing, but she shouldn't. It's not her fault.

In a way, I'm glad she "messed this all up." At least, now, I'm not still thinking something that isn't true. It's more other people's faults than hers (as in those who led me to believe it in the first place), but they really did believe they were telling the truth. They shouldn't feel bad, either.

I just should have known not to get myself into things like this because I always get hurt. Always. Maybe, I'll remember that next time I start to do something stupid.

Boys should be required to take a "sensativity" class, per se. Some of them get the idea that when somebody feels bad, then you don't say really stupid things to make them feel worse. Apparently, others don't, and it especially hurts when it hurts enough that you're talking to them.

Erica and I are going to ditch choir today, and I think the plan right now is Jewel to go get comfort food, but whatever we choose to do, it's going to rock! It's going to feel good to eat tons of candy and maybe ice cream in the morning...

Another plus to that whole situation is that I won't have to sing "Moon River" in choir today. I love thatsong; don't get me wrong (oooh, that rhymed!), but it's going to be a tough one to sing now that I no longer believe the words to it: I don't think "I'll be crossing you in style some day" anymore.

By the way, if you think that I'm having good days from these seemingly upbeat entries, then you're not really seeing the bigger picture...

Cordially,
Liz

Just ignore the damn things in my header... just made some of my code be "half-there" per se.

Blogger's down, so I'm here.

"Calculus Class Makes Life Seem Rosy"

Choir was kind of awkward today because Erica wouldn't let me hug her when she was feeling all bad. She claims she owes me too many hugs, and if I hug her, then she'll never catch up. She doesn't owe me any hugs.

So, Erica, when can we go to the roof and let everything out?

That's right: Calculus class makes life seem all rosy... even when it's not. Just the fact that I have a class that I can sleep through (without getting in trouble) is comforting. I didn't half-doze off during class today, ironically enough as I only really got two hours of sleep last night due to a mixture of worrying and insomnia, but I worked on that long poem again. I'm thinking that it won't be as personal on a supremely obvious/blunt level as it was going to be before (for a variety of reasons), but rather, if any of it will turn out to be more than just a simple theme of general tension and release, it will be extremely subtly so.

After Calc, I went to my locker to get my books for Chem, and Chua had already put my present from D.C. there. It's really pretty, Tiffy. The pale pink and white color is super pretty, as is the design. Thank you!

Shortened periods today made me happy, too.

Chem was fun as always 'cause it's basically just another period where Cess, Dan, and I can just talk. I love it when you end up by your friends on the "random" seating chart. That felt good.

I had to stay for 7th period study hall today (which is just with my Chem class) because of the short periods (and because my mom had things to do, so she couldn't pick me up earlier than one), but I still got out of school early enough for tennis. Study hall was a party: just listened to "The Fly" by Sarah Brightman (my comfort song), talked to Cess and Dan more, worked on the poem, and did nothing "productive." Cess and Dan read what I had written so far for the poem (as they hadn't yet), and they made my day because they were genuinely amazed. I was really worried that this poem would be worse than my other ones just because I'm using a completely different style of writing. A bad day turned good, I guess.

I feel good right now. Tennis always helps me with that, these days. I'm also starting to appreciate the little things.

The world, by the way, is officially coming to an end. After all, Google is running supremely slow, and some of their searches are down. Blogger (a Google thing) is also down.

“Moon river,

Wider than a mile,

I’m crossing you in style...

Some day.

Old dream maker,

You heartbreaker,

Wherever you’re going,

I’m going

Your way...”

-Johnny Mercer

Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything that I knew,

Liz